Today is my dad’s birthday.
We used to joke that we were clones. I get my sense of time from him, my curiosity, and desire to poke at things to figure out how they work. The “what happens if” gene is strong, I’m just saying. Dad is the world’s most curious man.
And he loves to laugh. He introduced me to Hitchhiker’s Guide, Calvin and Hobbes, Mel Brooks… There’s this thing in my family we call “the Walker laugh” (Walker is a family name on Dad’s maternal line) which is a full body laugh, with the head thrown back. It’s loud. It’s fun. And sometimes you have a whole roomful of folks doing it. (My cousins are nodding right now.)
Anyway, it’s one of my favorite things.
So — for Dad’s birthday, will you put something funny in the comment thread on my blog? It can be your favorite joke, a link to a funny video, or cartoon. Something that made you give a full body laugh when you saw it.
Happy Birthday, Dad! I hope the day is full of Walker laughs.
Everyone sing! https://youtu.be/EXPcBI4CJc8
GAH! It’s about sex with ducks! For my dad!?!
Sorry! He struck me as a having a crazy sense of humor. I apologize.
I don’t wish to ruffle any feathers ;), so here’s a comic you can also sing along with -> http://xkcd.com/1052/
Happy birthday, Mr. Harrison!
An elderly woman wanted to spice things up with her husband. She read in a magazine that costumes and roleplaying in the bedroom might do the trick, so she rented a superhero outfit from the costume shop.
When she got home her husband was watching TV as usual. She got all dressed up and posed between her husband and the TV and asked “Are you ready for some SUPER sex?”
Her husband was quiet for a moment, then replied “Depends. What KIND of soup?”
Remember that ST:TNG episode when the crew caught a retro-virus and everyone de-evolved into primitive creatures? Worf de-evolved into a Klingon bear, Troy became an amphibian, Barkley a spider. I thought it a shame that Data was immune, because if he had de-evolved into a more primitive computer, he would have wound up with a promotion: a Commodore outranks a Lt. Commander.
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday to your father! My favorite joke of the summer (requires a teeny amount of French comprehension):
Two cats named One Two Three and Un Deux Trois are crossing a river. Which one makes it to the other side first?
One Two Three because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq!
Might I present, for your father’s viewing pleasure and humorous satisfaction, the world of science-based pop-music parody videos, all of which have been created and produced by real biomedical researchers:
Bad Project (“Bad Romance” parody,): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fl4L4M8m4d0
Get Data (“Get Lucky” parody): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfhSLTQTLhI
Some Budding Yeast I Used to Grow (“Somebody that I Used to Know” parody): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odxvp-3nSw4
Ok, the G-rated one is the Big Cat Rescue cats with boxes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J11uu8L8FTY
The technically still G-Rated one is the bleeped version of the Count’s song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Wd-Q3F8KM
A classic: Dog and Sweet Potato (warning: very rude language)
http://littera-abactor.livejournal.com/7748.html
I was watching this one last night when I wanted a laugh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LecGuQE6t44
Happy Birthday to the MaryDad.
Okay, I have two.
This one has one f-bomb, but makes me laugh every time I see it. It’s from Mitchell and Webb.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deJ9lpNBZUA
This other one is from an ancient episode of Match Game, featuring the stupidest answer in the history of the world, and Bill Daly just loses it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1avf8jlAsU
Happy birthday sir.
A funny story from my boyfriend. His dad raises grass-fed Angus on the IA/MN border and discovered that the easiest way to get calves to walk with a halter and lead rope was to tie the other end of the lead rope to the bucket of a John Deere tractor and slooooowly back the tractor up. The calf learns to follow where the rope is leading, all is good.
Enter the new neighbors, who are best described as “hobby farmers” – ie, they have no idea what they’re doing but they’re sure they’re doing it better than the locals who’ve been in the business for generations. They have calves, and while they don’t have a tractor, they have a brand-new Jeep. So they tie the end of the lead rope to the back bumper of the Jeep and slowly start driving. At which point they learn that the back bumper of a Jeep Wrangler is a lot less sturdy than the bucket of a John Deere. Now they have a bumperless car, and one very upset calf dragging the bumper around, and my boyfriend’s dad leaning on the fence laughing so hard he can barely stand.
Two men walk into a bar… the third one ducks.
From back in the days when automatic cars were hot stuff.
A US college student took a visiting british girl on a date in his new car. They went to the drive-in, where he set up the car; he pressed a button and the windows rolled down, pressed another button and the convertible top folded down, pressed another button and the seats reclined a bit, etc. etc. They enjoyed the movie and drove to the local park-and-neck site, where he pushed a button and the radio antenna came up, pushed another button and the soft music began to play.
They were getting friendly when it came on to rain. The young man pushed a button and the convertible’s top came up; pushed another and the windows rolled up. But pretty soon it was a little stuffy inside the car, so he pushed a button and the air fan came on. And it blew the young lady’s skirt right up over her head.
“My God,” she said, “Don’t you yanks do ANYTHING by hand?”
(One of my only jokes that doesn’t involve sex or science…)
A young woman’s boyfriend had entered the seminary and planned on becoming a great religious scholar, and soon after he proposed to marry her. The woman’s father wasn’t sure he approved of the match since the young man wouldn’t make much money, and suggested she invite the boyfriend over so they could get to know one another.
Over the course of the night, the father kept asking questions like, “How will you keep a roof over her head?” and “How will you keep a roof over the heads of your children?” and to every question, the boyfriend smiled sanguinely and simply replied, “God will provide.”
At the end of the evening, once the boyfriend went home, the girl asked her father, “Well, what do you think of him?”
Her father, with a reasonable amount of enthusiasm, said he liked the young man very much. “I’ve only just met him, and already he thinks I’m God.”
Don’t throw out the boxes your presents came in! Sometimes the box can be just as fun as the gift. Just ask a cat.
Maru (length – 1:32)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPzNl6NKAG0
Whack-A-Kitty (length – 1:31)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_udqEp_YR4
And because you can never have enough can videos:
Stalking (Ninja) Cat (length – 1:13)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzzjgBAaWZw
Happy Birthday 🙂
A boy is sitting on the playground eating a king size snickers bar. A teacher walks up to him and says “I hope you had a healthy lunch, and aren’t just eating candy.” The child replies “My grandfather lived to be 96 years old.” The teacher blinks and asks, “Did he eat Snickers bars every day for lunch?” The boy cocks his head and retorts, “No. He minded his own damn business.”
https://youtu.be/cIDv1jJhoxY
Happy Birthday, Sir.
Okay, my favorite joke:
Sherlock Holmes and Watson went camping one night. Sherlock Holmes looked up at the night sky and said to Watson, “What do you deduce from what you see?”
Watson replied “I see thousands of stars. Given that there are so many stars, some of them must be like our sun.And if that is so, then some of them must have planets like ours. And if that is so, then some of them must have life. And if that is so, some of that life must be intelligent. and wondering about us in turn.”
“Am I right?” Watson asked Sherlock
There was a pause and then Sherlock Holmes said. “No, you idiot. Someone stole our tent!”
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The wedding wasn’t much, but the reception was great!
The human body is amazing, you breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right?
Eve: Uh yeah… totally.
Caterpillars have the ideal life; eat a lot, take a long nap, and wake up handsome.
And for Mary, skinny dipping Muppets: https://twitter.com/SwedishCanary/status/636712170953158656
A little late, but five years later this still makes me laugh every time I read it.
http://dilbert.com/strip/2010-04-24
Happy Birthday, Mary Robinette’s dad!
“A thoat walks into a bar… and comes out thru the back wall.”
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
Perfect for a dad’s special day: dad joke survivors: http://www.wimp.com/dad-jokes-survivors/
A dad story. It starts off a little sad.
About 5 years ago, when my older daughter Verity was 6 years old, our cat died. We had a burial in the garden and Tilly was buried with one of my daughter’s favourite toys (so she wouldn’t get bored) and the shoebox in which she was buried was beautifully decorated.
We had a conversation with Verity to try to reassure her that death is a normal part of life, and that Tilly would always be with us when we remember her. We explained this by saying that when we buried Tilly we didn’t bury what *made* her Tilly — we just buried her body.
Kids at that age sometimes take things literally.
A couple of weeks later, Verity approached me. It was obvious that something had been bothering her, and she’d only just worked up the courage to ask.
“Dad…”
“Yes?”
“You know you said that when we buried Tilly we only buried her body…?”
“Yes?”
“What did you do with her head and legs?”
In Heaven,
The French are chefs
The British are police
The Germans are engineers
The Swiss are bankers
And the Italians are lovers.
In Hell,
The English are chefs
The Germans are police
The French are engineers
The Swiss are lovers
And the Italians are bankers.
Happy Belated Birthday, Mary’s Dad!
Knock, knock.
“Who’s there?”
“To.”
“To who?”
“To *WHOM*”
First I want to say what a wonderful idea for a birthday present this is!
So here’s my contribution:
A couple is going to the Maledive Islands for vacation. Because of work, the husband goes first, his wife will take a flight the next day.
After the husband’s arrival in the hotel, he sends his wife an e-mail. However, due to a typo his e-mail gets send to an elderly woman who has just come home from her husband’s funeral. When her children find her a few moments later, she’s fainted. The e-mail read:
“To my dear wife. From your foregone husband. My dear, I have arrived and made myself comfortable already. Also, I’ve made all the arrangements for your arrival tomorrow. You’re gonna like it down here, it’s wonderfully hot. Anxiously awaiting you, your husband.”
From today’s Physics class for Engineers (2nd semester).
An electron and a proton walk into a bar and the electron orders two beers. They get them and the bartender says, “Two bucks.”
A neutron walks into the bar and orders a beer. He gets it, drinks it and walks out.
The electron nudges the proton, then says, “Hey, barkeep! How the neutron didn’t pay?”
Bartender shrugs. “He’s a neutron — no charge.”
The electron is complaining about everything and finally the proton asks him, “Why so negative?”
As they leave, the electron asks the proton, “Are you sure we parked this way?”
The proton says, “I’m positive.”
—
As I tell my students, no one ever said Physics jokes were funny, but it’s fun hearing 75 students groaning…
Dr. Phil
Sorry! He struck me as a having a crazy sense of humor. I apologize.
https://www.facebook.com/georgehtakei/photos/a.737221629640626.1073741825.205344452828349/1357168020979314/?type=1&theater
Your dad is of a certain age to remember this:
http://www.openculture.com/2015/09/download-jim-rockfords-answering-machine-messages-as-free-mp3s.html
(There’s a YouTube link to a bunch of them together, so he can enjoy that with no downloads)
I’m a little late, but you asked for something that made me laugh out loud and not many things do that… This did, today. 😀
http://imgur.com/gallery/GWo8TkI
And for the record, I do like kale and don’t partake marijuana, but that made it all the funnier. 😀