Today was one of those random days. I did a little graphic design, a little shopping, a meeting for a set design project and then some writing. I managed to crank out about 1000 words on a new story on the subway and train.
Here’s a teaser.
Lifting the stopper from the vial to his nose, Penn inhaled slowly. Against the neutral backdrop of his ship’s clean room, he picked out aromas of quince, elderberry, bright Martian soil that hinted of blood, with undercurrents of cinnamon and Zeta Epsilon’s fragrantly sweet longgrass. He sighed, blowing the scents out again. The perfume was still just a little out of balance.
The door chime rang, letting him know that Dell had returned. The round tones resonated off the glass labware and sent vibrations across his scalp as it slowly, slowly faded. God, it was gorgeous — picking up the temple bell when they were on Izlacs had been one of his better choices. He’d eventually get the whole ship converted to real things instead of all the virtual hoo-ha it had come with.
Edited to add: I made the changes that Brian suggested in his comment below, though I normally wait until I’m finished writing to edit a story, but once he pointed them out they itched and I had to fix.
Now, one of the things was the character’s names, which I agree with. Does anyone want to be tuckerized into this?
The bell bit is lovely and a great insight to character.
The two problems I have are the repetition of nose in the first sentence – you can drop one of them – and the “Jovian soil” reference, unless you’re going to explain how Jupiter has developed soil.
And Penn and Dell are structurally a little similar as names.
Sorry if this sounds picky…
Ah. Good catches. I’ll admit that I hadn’t really read this after writing it. I usually wait until finishing to edit, but I can tidy those now.