A Writer’s Vanity – Hunting for Hubris
Jason Sizemore, at Apex Digest, has been very supportive of me and of Shimmer. This was on his blog today.
This is my own personal horror story. In it, I play the guy whose pride won’t let him ask for help when he sees that he needs it. I might have waited too late, even now. Hubris can be a complicated personality trait. It’s one that I’m struggling with at the moment.
See, I’m having to come out to the public that Apex Digest needs help. That I need help. Like, within two weeks.
Those who know me that my hubris is a personality flaw.
But this damn magazine means too much to me.
The story starts out well. A nice guy, me, starts a science-fiction and horror magazine. He loves it. He puts his own money into it. To his delight, the critics respond well to the stories. It goes into Barnes and Nobles. It starts breaking even. Who cares if he has some debt from starting it? He’s paying that back and things are golden. He is proud of his magazine.
You see where this is going, don’t you? The word “pride” is your cue that things are about to go south.
This nice guy loses his job. He has four months of unemployment, but he keeps putting the magazine out. That small debt starts to get bigger. But he keeps his writers and artists paid and delivers the magazine on time. The printer is understanding and lets him slide on payments.
If the nice guy had asked for help then, he wouldn’t have needed to slide on payments. But he has a lot of pride and thinks he couldtough it out. Then the nice guy gets a new job, which proves his point. He starts paying down the debt to his printer.
If this weren’t a horror story that would be the happy ending. There would be butterflies and fuzzy kittens. But this is a horror story.
We never see the printer’s POV, so we don’t know why the email is sent. All the nice guy knows is that the printer wants all of the money and wants it now. He doesn’t have it.
At the moment, I don’t know how this story will end.
All of Apex’s distributors rightfully expect their copies of the magazine within the next couple of weeks. Apex subscribers rightfully expect their copies within the next couple of weeks.
If I fail to get Apex #7 out to the distributors and subscribers, the story ends. I’ve begged and borrowed as much as I can. Now I’m dropping my pride and admitting that I need help publicly. I need 200 new subscribers to create the revenue required to pay off the debt to the printer.
Tell me how my story ends. Think of this as one of those “choose your own adventures.”
Do you buy a subscription?
I’ve renewed my subscription and picked up extra copies of Issue Six, which has Cerbo en Vitra Ujo in it. If you have any doubts, you should also read Maggie’s article on her blog about karma and publishing.