Posts Tagged ‘makes me laugh’

Shopping for my job

My shopping list this week included: Taxidermy moose head, KY Jelly, 2 lbs feathers, balloons, fishing line
Glock or revolver, and a mousetrap.

I actually said the sentence, “As soon as I buy the moose head, I have to go pick up some KY jelly.”

What’s the strangest combination of things you’ve ever bought?

Walking in NYC with taxidermy

I was picking up props for \"Bully Pulpit.\"If you want to have conversations with your neighbors, a good way to do it is to walk down the street with a cart of taxidermy. They might start conversations with such openers as”

“My god!”

“What is it?”

“Are they real?”

“May I touch your dead animal heads?”

I’m doing props for Bully Pulpit, a show about Teddy Roosevelt, who was a big hunter. The whole thing is set in the North Room at Sagamore Hill which was decorated with… yes, taxidermy. I found these heads on Craig’s List and they were only ten blocks from my house. Clearly, I was not going to pass up a chance to interact with my fellow New Yorkers.

One poor woman, who must have been a serious vegan, had a look of absolute horror on her face while her son was totally fascinated. Her husband stopped with their daughter so I could explain about taxidermy and theater. She stood behind them looking like she wanted to throw up.

I’ll bet they have a very interesting conversation when they get home.

Everyone else I passed seemed either completely indifferent or amused.

Compliments from a winemaker

When one’s husband is a winemaker, one sometimes receives compliments in the following manner.

Rob: It’s maturity. The tannins are falling out.
Me: As long as I don’t become flabby. ((This is an actual wine term))
Rob: No, I think you still have structure.

gDayâ„¢ with MATEâ„¢

Google introduced gDayâ„¢ with MATEâ„¢ in Australia, but the technology isn’t available in the US. Darn. Because this would be handy.

Search tomorrow’s web, today!

Google Australia has introduced a new feature, enabling you to search content on the internet before it is created.
Steps

1. Enter your search term
[e.g. footy scores]
2. Select “one day in advance” and click “Google Search”.
3. Google searches the web as it will look tomorrow

About gDayâ„¢ technology

The core technology that powers gDayâ„¢ is MATEâ„¢ (Machine Automated Temporal Extrapolation).

Using MATE’s™ machine learning and artificial intelligence techniques developed in Google’s Sydney offices, we can construct elements of the future.

Google spiders crawl publicly available web information and our index of historic, cached web content. Using a mashup of numerous factors such as recurrence plots, fuzzy measure analysis, online betting odds and the weather forecast from the iGoogle weather gadget, we can create a sophisticated model of what the internet will look like 24 hours from now.

We can use this technique to predict almost anything on the web – tomorrow’s share price movements, sports results or news events. Plus, using language regression analysis, Google can even predict the actual wording of blogs and newspaper columns, 24 hours before they’re written!

Spotted at deedop’s.

Swearing, Cursing, Cussing and Insulting in 181 Languages!

You guys are getting canned content, because I’m dead tired. Here’s a site I spotted a while back, which is in the same general theme as my question yesterday.

This falls into the category of a great resource, but at a cost.Swearsaurus has billions of insults in multiple languages but the ads that show up with the page… Lots of exposed body parts of “adult friends.” So, if you need to know what your Cantonese speaking character might say AND you can shutter your vision, it’s worth checking out. The insult generators are particularly good. But this site is not even remotely safe for work or family.

Don’t jostle

Did you know that you can’t be a NY Notary Public if you’ve been convicted of “jostling.”

That would wipe out everyone who’s ever ridden the subway.

Barging into the head

Names redacted for protection.

M.S. was trying to get Barge into a tight corner inside the head on which he and E.D. were working.

E.D. said, “Why don’t you glove up, squirt it onto your finger, and apply?”

M.S. replied, “This might be a little cold.”

And people wonder why puppeteers have so much fun.

Cookie Monster on NPR

PuppetVision Blog pointed out that Cookie Monster was on NPR yesterday. There’s a long tradition of puppet characters appearing on radio, but we are lucky that the wise folk at NPR also made a short video of Cookie answering the famous Proust Questionnaire.

You can listen to the whole interview at the same link. “C” is for cookie. That’s good enough for me.