Trained Monkeys

Monkey Socks from Jenny RaeSo, after getting back from building monkeys, I had to go online to try to cancel an eFax service. It’s not that I didn’t like the service, but it certainly wasn’t the best online fax service in the world. Plus, I’d already completed the project that I had intially purchased the service for. Here is the transcript of my cancelling the account. Oh. And monkey socks that Jenny Rae gave me for my birthday. No reason to show those, I just like them.

{Amy R.} Hello, Mary. Welcome to online support. I am Amy, your online Live Support Representative. How may I assist you?

{Mary} I want to cancel my account.

{Amy R.} I am sorry to hear that you wish to cancel. Please give me a moment while I go through your records. In the meantime, please type the number corresponding to your reason for cancellation:

1) Moving to another provider
2) Bought a Fax machine
3) Business or role changed
4) Short term project completed
5) Financial reasons
6) Problems with Faxing or Billing
7) Dissatisfied with Quality of service
8 ) Too Costly

{Mary} 4

{Amy R.} Appreciate your feedback. Please give me a moment.
{Amy R.} Thank you for waiting.
{Amy R.} Mary, I can understand that currently you do not need the service however, it is always good to have a alternative faxing service as you may not know when the need for faxing may arise.
{Amy R.} In the current scenario, as a special consideration and goodwill gesture, your eFax account will be credited with $25.90 so that you may utilize our services without being billed our monthly fee for the next two billing cycles.
{Amy R.} Since you will not be charged any monthly fee for the next two months you may keep the account till then. If however, you still feel that you do not have any use for our services by the end of the two months credit period, then you can always contact us back anytime.

{Mary} I do not want the account. I have kept it open, just in case and have not used it for about a year. Cancel my account, please.

{Amy R.} Mary, I can completely understand your wish to discontinue, as you will not be charged any monthly fee for the next 2 billing cycles, you can retain this number at least till the end of two months credit offer.
{Amy R.} I would also provide you with an additional gift balance of $10.00 with which you can send up to 100 pages of faxes for free (per page per minute within US & Canada) along with the monthly credit.
{Amy R.} At the end of 2 months credit period, if you feel that the fax number does not serve your purpose, you can contact back to us anytime to process your request. We will just crediting your eFax account with $25.90 and $10.00 as gift balance for which you will not be charged any monthly fee for the next two months.

{Mary} No, thank you. Cancel my account now.

{Amy R.} Okay, I understand and respect your decision for cancellation. I will cancel your account with us immediately.

Actually, I only had to say it three times, so I guess that’s not too bad, as far as dealing with trained monkeys goes.

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3 Responses

  1. Chris Billett

    Hmm… turn it into one of your own monkeys, brought to life by pulleys and levers, and you’ve got a top quality mid-twentieth century steampunk short right there! “Puppeteer foiled by her own creation!”

  2. Minister

    Ah, yes. One of the most obnoxious (and occasionally dishonest, at least as applied by AOL) practices in contemporary “customer service.” Yeah, at three requests/demands, you got off easy.