Bacon on my husband

me:Did you see the ridiculous traffic that post is getting?

Scalzi: Not surprised. Everyone loves foam.

me: The only thing that would be more popular is if I taped bacon to it.

Scalzi: I dare you to do the bacon thing.

me: Oh you are playing with fire there, mister.

Scalzi: It has to happen now.

me: It will be fakin bacon, since we’re vegetarian.

Scalzi: Doesn’t count.

me: Oh come on!

Scalzi: Nope. Has to be the real thing. It is an integrity thing.

me: Seriously? It has to be real bacon? That’s just prejudicial, man.

Scalzi: I think it does. I mean, among other things, using faux bacon would be to admit you HAVE faux bacon.

me: Yes? And there’s a problem with that? I could tape tofu to him. Or eggplant.

Scalzi: It must be thought upon.

me: Hm. I could carve it into bacon.

Scalzi: Ha! Possibly.

me: Although, I think that might be grounds for divorce in some states.

Scalzi: It may be.

Which is what led me to wander into the living room and say, “Honey, I have a favor to ask, without context.  May I tape bacon to your Giant Block of Foam?”

“Sure.”

Bacon on Rob

Later….
me: That was only moderately successful.

Scalzi: He was resistant, I assume.

Me: No. The fakin’ was.

Scalzi: That’s why you need the real thing, baby!

me: Hmph.

So, the lesson learned here is that one should not question the judgement of Scalzi, the Baconical Wonder.

25 Responses

  1. Tom

    Actually.

    To really step it up.

    Tape Bacon to your cat.

    Tape Cat to GBoF

    Then show it to Scalzi.

  2. Chris Billett

    You’re vegetarian? I remember talking about vegetarian diets in the bar in December, but thought you thought it was healthy but weren’t! Is it a new thing? If so, hats off! My non-dairy is going well.

    Err – good baconing too!

    1. Mary Robinette Kowal

      I’m mostly vegetarian but have a “cultural clause” that let’s me eat meat in appropriate situations, like at my Grandma’s house. She’s lives in the South and it’s not possible to eat there without consuming pork. Or in foreign countries with local specialties. Stuff like that.

      1. Chris Billett

        Ah yes – that’s probably exactly what you said. Let’s face it, I remembered the month wrong so I am probably slightly hazy on most of it!

        I made a similar deal with myself re: dairy; that I would not worry when eating at other people’s n’ cause hassle. It has proved easier than I expected to avoid, to be honest.

  3. -d-

    I think it says something about the fake bacon that the cat is ignoring it. Actually even Marlo is ignoring it. It must be awful.

  4. Kaethe

    What greater love hath any man that he say “sure” when asked a truly bizarre question by his wife. I’m not bothered by the faux bacon, but the scale is wrong, somehow. There needs to be a much higher bacon to GBoF ratio, I think, for true awesomeness.

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