Bacon on my husband

me:Did you see the ridiculous traffic that post is getting?

Scalzi: Not surprised. Everyone loves foam.

me: The only thing that would be more popular is if I taped bacon to it.

Scalzi: I dare you to do the bacon thing.

me: Oh you are playing with fire there, mister.

Scalzi: It has to happen now.

me: It will be fakin bacon, since we’re vegetarian.

Scalzi: Doesn’t count.

me: Oh come on!

Scalzi: Nope. Has to be the real thing. It is an integrity thing.

me: Seriously? It has to be real bacon? That’s just prejudicial, man.

Scalzi: I think it does. I mean, among other things, using faux bacon would be to admit you HAVE faux bacon.

me: Yes? And there’s a problem with that? I could tape tofu to him. Or eggplant.

Scalzi: It must be thought upon.

me: Hm. I could carve it into bacon.

Scalzi: Ha! Possibly.

me: Although, I think that might be grounds for divorce in some states.

Scalzi: It may be.

Which is what led me to wander into the living room and say, “Honey, I have a favor to ask, without context.  May I tape bacon to your Giant Block of Foam?”

“Sure.”

Bacon on Rob

Later….
me: That was only moderately successful.

Scalzi: He was resistant, I assume.

Me: No. The fakin’ was.

Scalzi: That’s why you need the real thing, baby!

me: Hmph.

So, the lesson learned here is that one should not question the judgement of Scalzi, the Baconical Wonder.

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