Bacon on my husband
me:Did you see the ridiculous traffic that post is getting?
Scalzi: Not surprised. Everyone loves foam.
me: The only thing that would be more popular is if I taped bacon to it.
Scalzi: I dare you to do the bacon thing.
me: Oh you are playing with fire there, mister.
Scalzi: It has to happen now.
me: It will be fakin bacon, since we’re vegetarian.
Scalzi: Doesn’t count.
me: Oh come on!
Scalzi: Nope. Has to be the real thing. It is an integrity thing.
me: Seriously? It has to be real bacon? That’s just prejudicial, man.
Scalzi: I think it does. I mean, among other things, using faux bacon would be to admit you HAVE faux bacon.
me: Yes? And there’s a problem with that? I could tape tofu to him. Or eggplant.
Scalzi: It must be thought upon.
me: Hm. I could carve it into bacon.
Scalzi: Ha! Possibly.
me: Although, I think that might be grounds for divorce in some states.
Scalzi: It may be.
Which is what led me to wander into the living room and say, “Honey, I have a favor to ask, without context. May I tape bacon to your Giant Block of Foam?”
me: That was only moderately successful.
Scalzi: He was resistant, I assume.
Me: No. The fakin’ was.
Scalzi: That’s why you need the real thing, baby!
So, the lesson learned here is that one should not question the judgement of Scalzi, the Baconical Wonder.